I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Come share oat with me in your robe
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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