I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
