He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize