im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Dicks are not precious.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
