All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Randomize
