Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
