Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
