why didn't you poke me back
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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