Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
