Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
