You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
