Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
You left your phone here
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