im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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