these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
