I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Randomize
