I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
My feet surprised me
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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