I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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