you're like a bully in the Christmas story
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
