It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
