ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Randomize
