you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
