You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
