The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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