He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
