At least make sure they are 18
Why
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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