I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
