New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
