if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
