he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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