I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
