Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
