Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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