I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
