$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
don't judge my taste in strippers
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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