Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
