the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize