The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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