That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
