There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
this is an emotional support booty call
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
