Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
