I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
