Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
