everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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