Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
