Sorry, I don't speak sober.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
