Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
