please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
