...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
