You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
