the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
