i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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