you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
