You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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