with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
