I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
