True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
