You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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