Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
