We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
