I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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