dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
