woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Randomize
