all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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