their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You pole danced in your parka.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
