someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
We left the knife in your bed.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
