There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
