I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
