wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
