What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
