I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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