Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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