She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
