She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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